"The Secret" of Loving RelationshipsYou have probably started out at least one relationship completely and hopelessly in love. Perhaps it went something like this: While you were drooling over your partner, your friends kept trying to tell you that your partner was a car racing addict. You remained completely unaware because your emotion of love was running so high. This wild emotional stew combined with your tunnel vision, only allowed you to see what you wanted to see, and to receive the love you wanted.
As the relationship went on and you could no longer park your car in the garage because of the large number of cars and parts, you began to think, “Maybe my friends were right”. As time goes on you find yourself looking everywhere for evidence to prove to yourself that your partner loves cars too much. How could you have been so blind to have not noticed before? Now, wherever you look, you seem to notice the car parts creeping into the bedroom; black, greasy towels in the laundry, and the smell of gasoline in the kitchen. Your partner is always out in the garage. Not surprisingly, you experience resentment and anger. You project those feelings to your spouse who in turn acts in a similar way toward you!
Let's pause for a moment and stop to consider a few things. First of all, your spouse may love cars, but it could also be possible that he still does a lot of things that make your relationship worthwhile. Second, observe how easy it is to see exactly what you expect to see. You have probably done it over and over in many different situations in your life – perhaps with a parent, boss, neighbor or child. Change begins when you make a choice to assume the best. Change continues when you can also feel or envision what "the best" will be like to experience.
Decide what you want and expect in your relationship. Let yourself feel these desires and expectations. Just like in the example above, you already know how to exchange one feeling and desire for another, all based on what you expect to see. Do you expect to see an unresponsive spouse or an attentive one? Do you expect to see a tender, caring spouse or an insensitive cheat? What you see is what you get.
You can choose to see and experience exactly what you want. Are you ready to exchange your feelings of blame, resentment or anger at your spouse with those of openness, forgiveness and love? You will find that when you give the gift of your love in a way that your spouse can receive it, it will come back to you in many wonderful ways. Choose to experience love and look for it everywhere!
By Steve and Susan Anderson
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